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Dear Sonny

Dear Sonny,

I am penning you this letter for the following reasons;

#1.  An apology of sorts or just call it a “back-flip” – Yes my one and only blog post was ironically about your return to the NRL.  How dare I question your ability? I can hardly type due to the crumbs from the humble pie scattered across my keyboard.

#2.  An attempt to ask you some generic questions that many Rugby League, Rugby Union (yawnion) & fight fans want answers to which we won’t get answers to.  However, in  this information age of miracles, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram (you get the picture) – Anything and I don’t use that word loosely “anything” is possible. – As an aside, did you know Brad Thorn didn’t play in the 2000 Roos World Cup winning team? Is that the reason for the back-flip/U-turn on the Kiwis, to ‘one up’ him? Hmm…. the mind boggles.

#3. I am procrastinating about finishing a work report and this is more fun to do.

So I decided to write my blog about you earlier this year regarding your return to the NRL in a kind of crystal ball gazing way, making some safe assumptions, squirrel grip ball predictions(Sam Burgess styles)  whilst adhering to the first rule of Texas Hold’em Poker “Always leave yourself outs”https://saluatua.wordpress.com/sbw-v-nrl-ring-the-bell/

For example I said this (extracted)

Can his chiselled body handle the battering he is about to subject himself to? The week to week grind? triple workload both with ball and on the D line?

Ok, so the emphatic answer to that rhetoric was a unanimous David Tua demolition job on Shane Cameron YES!  So with that I consume my first slice of humble pie.  OK, let me hit you with another overhand right which you will again parry and counter as follows,

…because I can’t see the Roosters combining from the word go under a rookie coach

Cringe.   reaching for another slice of blueberry humble pie.  I retreat to the corner and my gloves are up so in my defense and drawing on the poker parlance of leaving yourself outs, allow me to retort,

Let me just say this…. SBW is a clutch/go to/franchise player, THAT I get, that I respect, there is no denying he possesses sublime skills and has the work ethic to go with

Aha! You see a bit of balance in that yarn which is surprising considering my loyalty (don’t worry bro this word means different things to different people) to my beloved Bulldogs.

History will now show that your fingerprints were all over the successful Roosters 2013 season assault, culminating in the triumphant victory over the Manly Sea Eagles. The win is sweeter for the fact you were off your game in the first half and Manly shot out to a 10 point lead and then a couple of things happened 1. Manly forgot their ABC (Always Be Closing) 2. You pulled off two clutch plays down the stretch which capped a remarkable comeback and ensured the confetti mixed with champagne sprayed on the “winners stage” would be blue, white and red.

Well played Sir…( only crumbs left on my plate)

Now for the questions and despite what Scribe once told us…There are many

  • You said you came back to the NRL due to a handshake deal with Nick Politis aka ‘The Godfather’ of the Roosters. Hand on Quran –  Was it simply that reason alone?
  • Were you angus at being snubbed in the Dally M Awards that you decided to ignore the media in grand final week? (my  young neff wants to know hence the word “angus” which I believe he used instead of “angry”

Non-sports related questions

  • What was the thinkiing to rock the oversized scarf with shorts, jandals, tee, snap back cap and sunnies…Sonny? (question sent in by that queer eye for the straight guy…guy).
  • Does Jaimie Ridge really have an IQ of a 15 year old as portrayed in her failed TV show with her gold digging mum Sally Ridge, I mean Parore I mean….Whatevs!

Back to Footy

  • Will you lace up for the Chiefs (Super15) in 2014 or go around again for the ‘chooks’?  -Actually don’t answer, sick to death of that question (gun to head)
  • 4,486,072 Kiwis want to know why you brushed the national side, then a few hours later execute a perfect  U-turn Jeremy Clarkson would be proud of?
  • Say the Kiwis win, will you give your “player’s medal” away to young Tohu Harris? – Think J Thurston to S Price after the 2004 GF.
  • Are you playing in the RL World Cup to dodge a fight with Joseph Parker? Will you fight Parker?  (Sorry about the double barreled question Sonny-Bill or 1-2 punch to stay on the pugilist analogy)

Sonny, the way I see it , you have managed to polarise public opinion like no other in the past decade living your life through our TV sets.   You have  transcended the sports of Rugby and League and although you have fought punch drunk bums in the ring, just getting in the ring is a feat so kudos for that too .

However, there have been some “What the FK were you thinking” moments along the way such as but not limited to the following;

  • Walking out on the NRL/Bulldogs 2008
  • Cutting short the fight with Botha when you were literally on the ropes (probably not your fault)
  • The  odd fashion faux pas
  • The no show for the fans parade after the All Blacks won back the Rugby World Cup (2011)
  • The voice over commentary when you were about to enter the field in Round 1 (next time may I suggest Morgan Freeman as narrator?).

But you know what uce? You are the only guy that can bounce back like a squash ball to squash the haters like an annoying mosquito – How about in Round 4 when you were carving up my dogs and you score a try, run over and high five a little girl in the crowd – How can one be mad? How about when you picked up that stranded couple off the motorway, took them to your place and made them tea whilst waiting for the ‘towie’ to collect their car? Did that really happen dude or is it legend? If it did, what a legend! More recently you gave the girl in the wheel chair a peck on the cheek when all your Rooster boys ignored her – You won over all the teenage girls, mothers and grandmothers in one fell swoop!

God could of at least made you look like George Rose.

The frustration us mere mortals have is you are a walking contradiction.  I mean you don’t want the limelight but “team SBW” work hard to keep your name in the spotlight.  The people closest to you say you’re humble but the company you keep off-set that notion.  You say your’re sorry about walking out on the dogs yet you link with enemy #1 Roosters. You don’t drink alcohol but some of the decisions you make seem off the back of a big bender, actually it would be better if you did drink so you could “blame it on the a a a alcohol”

Maybe that is it, you don’t belong to a certain type? You are half Samoan and half European so even to a racist mind you’re half right!  Maybe you are just misunderstood? Walk to the beat of your own drum? Who knows cuz, I don’t profess to be a psychiatrist or the “Mentalist” so I won’t analyse further.

God will defend New Zealand which means all you have to do is help the Kiwis defend the World Cup brosef! If we retain the title all is forgiven but most definitely not forgotten (insert 10 move handshake)


One Love, Hate down, see you next year NRL or Super 15 or boxing, Black Caps, Team NZ, UFC….Oh and say sup to Khoder!

Fi Amaan Allah



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